I have a husband who is over 20 years older than me and he has a very manipulative 17 yr old daughter who lives in another state but has come to visit a few times. I never met her until after our son was born 2 years into our marriage. (I don’t think I would have married him if I knew I would be dealing with this)
When we first got together he wasn’t even on speaking terms with her. He told me he didn’t like the way she was, etc
Now all of a sudden she she says she wants to be back in his life. Shes flown in to visit a few times (with her brother my husbands other kid) and my husband has been at work leaving me with them a majority of the time. To make a long story short it has come to my attention that the girl is going to be a problem for me. She lies, she’s manipulative, and she goes out of her way to make me uncomfortable in my own home when my husband isn’t around. I can’t talk to my husband because he gets defensive of anything I say no matter how I try to put it. He says his daughter likes me and our infant son and I just need to “take her under my wing bc she’s confused and has a difficult home life with her mom”
His daughter is a completely different person when her father is around. When her father is around she kind of clings to me and wants to go everywhere I go basically acts like she likes me. She also dotes on the baby when he is around and talks about wanting to babysit and other bs like that. I play along because I don’t really have any other choice.
When her father isn’t around. She bad talks my husband. She told her mother I gave her brother alcohol and tried to get me to talk to her mother on the phone, she makes comments/questions about of sex life like (this is a paraphrase) “dads last gf told me he needed viagra” what the hell do you say to that? she goes out of her way to make me uncomfortable in my own home. also I don’t trust her around my infant son because I think she is screwed up
my question is I don’t know how to deal with her. Anytime I talk with my husband he just get defensive, blames her mother, or just simpy says I don’t know why she would do that. I know he has had a rocky relationship with her in the past but I think he feels guitly about moving out of state away from her and thus pins her on me to make me deal with her. I know my problems have nothing to do with him having other kids (which is what he likes to make it out to be anytime I say anything) because I have absolutely NO ill feelings of his son.
I don’t know what do. How do you deal with a 17 yr old that acts like a sweethearted angel when the father is around to gain his approval but then turns around and gives me hell when hes not around? He has been talking about having her stay for long extended periods of time in the future like this summer or even for good after she finishes h.s.
Should I try to deal with the daughter directly since she is 17 and I’m clearly not getting through to the father or will this just backfire. Hoping someone has been in a similar situation that would know what to say or do or act. Is there anything else I can do besides leave?
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